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Do you know the origin of the word Clitoris? It’s the Greek word for “key” and understanding the clitoris is the key to understanding a woman’s orgasm. The clitoris is not just a little button you push to make a woman scream out in ecstasy. It's actually a pretty complex and fascinating organ. Here's everything you need to know about the clitoris.
Estimated Reading Time: 4 minutes

The best way to touch a clitoris

March 14, 2022

Soon after I squirted for the first time, an image of a clitoris came up on my Facebook newsfeed. I would love to say that I knew about it, but sadly, I was freaking blown away. I could not believe that there was an entire organ in my body that I had never learned about.

Clearly my sex education classes were lacking. But what is even more disturbing is that I took Anatomy & Physiology (A & P) in college. In fact, I took both A & P 100 and A & P 200. I even worked on a cadaver! In all of my studies of the human body, I had never came across a picture of a clitoris.

My mind was blown.

Anatomy of the Clitoris

The clitoris is made up of three main parts: the glans, the shaft (cavernous body), and the bulbs (spongious body). The glans is the tip of the clitoris, which is accessible from outside of the body and is covered by a hood of skin. The clitoral glans is what most people think of when they hear the word clitoris and is often the only part shown in biology books (it's no wonder female orgasms seem difficult to many people when they aren't even taught proper anatomy). Like a penis, the shaft of the clitoris extends out from the glans. Unlike the penis, only the descending part of the clitoris is accessible from the outside. The remaining part is inside the body and extends downwards. It has two legs (crus) that extend outwards to make space for the urethral opening.


There are two bulbs, like there are two scrotum on males. Each bulb is located outside of the urethral and vaginal openings (under the labia). The clitoris is made of the same kind of tissue as a penis so it will also become engorged when aroused. You can usually see the outline of the bulbs under the labia when a female is fully aroused.

The average clitoris is about 7-12 cm (approximately 3-4 inches) when it is not engorged which is about the same as the average flaccid penis (7-10 cm). There have not been sufficient studies to show how large clitorises are when they are engorged, but considering that they are made of the same tissue one can assume that they do indeed grow in size when aroused.

"Typical textbook descriptions of the clitoris lack detail and include inaccuracies. It is impossible to convey clitoral anatomy in a single diagram showing only 1 plane, as is typically provided in textbooks, which reveal it as a flat structure. "

What is the best way to touch a clitoris?

While there isn't a best way to stimulate a clitoris, the best way to begin is by being soft and slow. Every person is going to have different life experiences that when combined with their unique anatomical variations is going to lead to enjoying different things.

But one thing is for certain, if you go at a clitoris too hard or too fast you will activate the Stress response (aka Fight or Flight). I'm hoping that if you're touching a clitoris it's because you want the clitoris owner to have a pleasurable time and not send them into unexplained anxiety. Knowing that you could unintentionally activate the stress response, it is always best to approach a clitoris with reverence.

And by reverence, I really do mean worship that clitoris!

The clitoris should not be treated like the Easy button because you're expecting to win a surprise. Instead, it should be treated like a Faberge egg because it is unique and deserves to be handled with care.

But most importantly, a clitoris should be touched the way the clitoris owner wants it to be touched. Don't just ask "do you like that baby?" Really, what is the right answer? The one you want to hear or the one that will offend you? Please don't put your partner in the position of having to figure out what to say, especially if you want there ever to be an orgasm. Because the moment the brain has to think of a response is the moment focus on the body's sensations disappear. And it is nearly impossible for a clitoris owner to orgasm when they're concerned about the other person's feelings.

Orgasm requires to be present in your body and to be keenly aware of the pleasurable sensations you're experiencing.

Some people like it soft, some like it hard. Some like it slow, some like it fast. And don't be scared of stroking the clitoral shaft that is accessible under the hood (you don't need to lift up the hood). Or playing with other parts of the vulva (both sets of labia are really sensitive, too).

There is no one perfect way to touch a clitoris. But the best way to touch a clitoris is the way that the clitoris owner wants.

Now that you know a little more about the clitoris, go out and explore! Experiment with different techniques and speeds. Instead of asking if it feels good, ask if you should go harder or if you're in the right spot (you'd be surprised how many people get that wrong and no one really likes having to be the one to tell their partner that they haven't actually found the clitoris).

If this concept is new to you then you probably missed my "Make her come" class. Luckily, you can buy the replay and take as many notes as you want.


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Wendy is a trauma-informed orgasm and neuro-pleasure coach that specializes in biohacking the nervous system to increase pleasure. A self-proclaimed "nerd" with ADHD, Wendy has mastered the art of hyper focusing to learn about the human body and how the different systems work together. She believes that everyone deserves to experience maximum pleasure and orgasmic bliss, and she works tirelessly to help people achieve this goal.

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